Šehi

U cik pandemije, januar 2020.
Povratak iz Trsta za Sarajevo
Šest sati presjedamo u Koperu
Na stanici smo već dugo
Ponestaje nam tema

U obližnjem Lidlu
kupujemo teglu kiselih krastavaca
Grickamo ih u dokolici, slatko
Popijemo rasol
Ispušimo pola zadnje kutije
pola ostavimo za puta
Ispružimo noge na položene torbe
pa čekamo

(Mene su
po običaju
radile naslijeđene traume:
pastelnim ehotonom prošarane glave
kao šećerna vuna kada dođe ringišpil
U rano jutro, nasmijane i sređene
slovenačke bakice, jato jarebica
idu do Trsta
‘nako
na pijacu
u jednom autobusu
guguču u tercama

Moja mama i njen PTSP
ostaju kući
u tišini

Po običaju
spopalo me
ono nepovratno izgubljeno
ono
što nikada
nije bilo naše

Ti,
kao i obično,
nisi puno fermala moja stanja

Htjela si samo da budemo normalne djevojke
talentovane, mlade, zajebane
Vidi ih, pišu filmske kritike za svjetske festival

I budućnost je tek pred nama
I ko zna šta nas sve čeka
I stvarno nema smisla da mračim
I treba da uživamo tu gdje jesmo
I tek nam je 24
I De, ne kvari nam ćejf
I De, dobro te više

S ljubavlju,
kao i obično)

Poslije sam, poslije
poslije pandemije
dugo i često
tražila one iste kornišone
ili bar neke slične

Uzalud

PICKLES FROM KOPER

for Šeha

In the midst of the pandemic, January 2020.
Returning from Trieste to Sarajevo
A six-hour layover in Koper
We’ve been at the station too long
We’re running out of things to say

At the nearby Lidl,
we buy a jar of pickles
We munch on them idly, sweetly
Drink the brine
Smoke half the last pack
save the rest for the road
Stretch our legs over the laid-down bags
and wait

(As usual,
I was being worked over
by inherited traumas:
my head streaked in pastel echoes
like cotton candy when the fairground
rolls in the town
In the early morning, smiling and neat
Slovenian grandmas, a flock of partridges
heading to Trieste
just because
to the market
all in one bus
cooing in thirds

My mother and her PTSD
stay home
in silence

As usual,
I was seized by
that irretrievably lost thing
the one
that was never
really ours.

You,
as usual,
didn’t care much for my moods
You just wanted us to be normal girls
talented, young, badass
Look at them, writing film reviews for world festivals

The future’s ahead of us
Who knows what’s waiting
No need to go dark now
We should enjoy where we are
We’re only twenty-four
Come on, don’t kill the vibe
Come on, give it a rest

With love,
as always.)

Later, afterwards
after the pandemic
for a long time I searched
for those same pickles
or at least something like them

In vain

(Translated by Marija Dragnić)